Updated: Jun 25, 2020

Self-love is the engine of greatness and the most powerful force to live a life of internal and external abundance. Racism on the other hand is the epitome of human mediocrity whose impact kills and destroys. So how can self-love co-exist and thrive in a climate that perpetuates hate? Let's find out.

She Coaches Greatness is not for the complacent or scratch-the-surface type of reader. In this platform, we delve deep and bring out greatness by addressing the hard subjects, challenging mindsets to produce lasting positive change and keeping it 100 with authenticity, courage, love and femininity. A spade is a spade and we will call it out. If along the way the content of Greatness somewhat makes you uncomfortable, good, that means we're unto something. Success begins outside of our comfort zones - And one thing we will not do is stay silent or stand on the sidelines, we face things head on with practicality and wisdom. We stand on being part of the solution!

Okay, so I preached for a minute, let's talk self-love today in a context that I have not yet seen addressed. A few days ago, I dropped the blog Black Lives Matter: What You Can Do to Be and Bring The Change with heartfelt insight, specific tips and useful self-directing resources that can equip everyone to be the change and bring the change we need to see. It starts with us! by being courageous and self-educating ourselves to be the change. Check out the blog, the carefully selected resources there will help you for life (as a matter of fact, it might just change your life and the lives of those around you!).

Today, my approach to self-love is in direct correlation with the present reality we face in a racially unlovable climate. Yes, we are standing for change and are shaking things to live in a just society, however in this revolutionary transition, we are still living in an environment that is very distant from love. This blog post is specifically for the Black Men & Women (aka beautifully melanated) readers and those who love them, because I know we need this and I want to remind us how much we matter. You matter. 🤍

So come with me as we journey to thrive in self-love through 5 practical tips you can apply everyday in the face of racial adversity.

1. Self-Approve & Self-Affirm Your Person

You are wonderfully and fearfully made. You are the epidome of God's craftsmanship, and there was no mistake made on you. That is the ultimate truth. How do you see yourself? Do you believe this?

Your identity as a beautifully melanated Black Man or Woman needs to be protected in your heart and held in the highest regard in your own eyes. You are descendant of Kings and Queens, and come from a line of courageous and strong people who survived the most inhuman atrocities. Know your real history. Be clear and Stand on who you are, I wrote on the importance of standing on your identity in one of my recent posts, How to Develop a Winning Mindset. This is an unmissable step. Have a read of the blog and come back to this point.

This is so beyond race (by the way, in theory, there is only one race, the human one). You are a whole person with a soul, values, gifts, talents, purpose and a blue print of destiny that brings immense value. Therefore to self-approve and self-affirm, you have to deeply know who you are (read the winning mindset blog for how to go about this) and simultaneously, you have to love and accept yourself - all of you. Once you have reached here, there comes continual conscious and unconscious self-approval and self-affirmation.

Approve of you and affirm yourself. Not seeking approval from others, approve of yourself. This is so crutial and yet where so many of us fall short. It all starts with your self-talk, YOURS, not others. What are you saying to yourself? And how are you speaking life to yourself? We're all different in how we choose to do this, why not get started with daily affirmations, I wrote 30 Greatness Affirmations To Be the Best You! It will bless you and empower you to love yourself even more. Give it a try and let me know your favourite affirmation(s) 😉

*Practical tip: Invest time to meditate on who you are and read the related blog posts How to Develop a Winning Mindset & 30 Greatness Affirmations To Be the Best You!, alongside research about your own history and the inspirational Black Men and Women who came before you.

2. Confront Your Limiting Beliefs & Biases About Race

Are you familiar with the inferiority and superiority complex? I have too often seen how the trauma of racial oppression has caused many to feel inferior and yearning to feel accepted by the ones who oppress them, and on the other hand, too often witnessed the ignorance of superiority (yearning to feel better than, which in my opinion is reversed inferiority) by those who oppress rooted from white supremacist thinking and where the ideology of 'white priviledge' has come from. What negative perceptions and stereotypes of race has shaped your beliefs and how you see yourself? How has it shaped how you treat yourself (and others) based on your (and their) skin tone?

The above may help you determine whether you self-love or self-loathe, It's one or the other. How we treat others is a direct reflection of how we feel about ourselves.

Where do you truly stand and what do you truly think? Only you can answer that. The sooner you face yourself and the thoughts that drive you, the sooner you can renew your mind with empowering, positive and encouraging thoughts to help you become more of who you are and fulfill your purpose instead of breaking yourself (and others) down.

Here is a self-coaching exercise you can do to address this point:

*Practical tip: Block time in your diary to do the above exercise. Commit to forfeiting the negative perceptions & beliefs that have held you down. Make a commitment to speak life into yourself and to being your own best friend. 
Contact me for a 15-mins complementary coaching experience. You don't have to do this alone. 

3. Cherish Your Body

It is my humble opinion and personal testimony that a body that is looked after internally and externally through regular exercise, healthy diet and self-care is self-love that leads to elevation, increased productivity, better decisions, better performance, better relationships - just better everything.

3 years ago, I made the conscious choice to change my life through regimented exercise and a healthier diet. I fell in love with HiiT/weight training and yoga, alongside my passion for dance which in itself is amazing exercise! Not only did my body change for the better but everything about my life became better. It helped me heal, helped me attract better, manifest my dreams, win in my career, increase my money, start my business and so much more. Most importantly, it was an anchor to elevate my mind, and how l love and cherish myself. I could never go back! Too much self-love for that.

I remember the responses I received from my readers and clients, when I wrote about Establishing A Nurturing Morning Routine in How To Slay in the Face of Anxiety & Isolation (Part 1) It was a game changer!

So I would encourage you to reflect on how you are currently cherishing and honoring your body, it's your temple! How are you treating and caring for it?

*Practical tip: Establish a daily routine that cherishes your body and mind (if you don't have one or want to improve it). For guidance, read my How To Slay Series (Part 1&2) for elements you could introduce to your life.

4. Level Up Your Life

Do you know that song by Ciara 'Level Up' released in 2019? 🎵🎵🎧 I LOVE this song! One of lines say:

''I turned nothing to something, my come back on 100.

Less talking, more action, you just gon' CiCi coming.

I just keep elevating, no losses just upgrading,

my lessons, made blessings, I turned that into money

Thank God I never settled, this view is so much better

I'm chilling, I'm winning, like on another level oh..."

Okay you got me singing! 😂

My dear Heroes and Sheroes, the point is, now is the time to grow, elevate and be the best you you could possibly be. We all have areas we can level up and do better in, and time is of the essence to make sure we do. Our lives depend on it, our future depends on it and our children's lives and futures depend on it.

Leveling up is about growth, and going higher mentally, spiritually, financially, professionally and every other way where leveling up is possible, one step and one day at a time. By reading this post you are leveling up, by actively educating yourself you are leveling up, by being financially saavy and smart with your money you are leveling up, by purchasing that next book or investing in personal development you are leveling up. By being consistent in your workouts, you are leveling up. By speaking up, being the change and bringing the change instead of turning the blind eye, you are leveling up. By loving yourself unconditionally and extending love to others, you are leveling up. The list goes on. Where can you level up? Where can you grow to be a better version of you?

*Practical tip: Make an audit of your life and identify where you can level up. Review your goals, where are you with them? What small action can you take today so you can grow? Commit to that.

5. Surround Yourself With Love

And finally, I'm going to leave you with this...

You are so loved! Surround yourself with people who remind you of how loved you are and how much you mean to them, and be that love agent to them too. I'm a believer that love is life, and there is power in spreading it wherever we go.

In a world that perpetuates hate, the love of your loves ones, friends, family, dog/cat, the love in your home, the love in what you do and the love you have for yourself will keep you.

When it comes to relationships in my life and energy, I am cut throat and will not allow toxicity near me, only positivity and purpose. There is no space for toxic relationships when it comes to self-love, why allow unnecessary hate and pain? No. Protect yourself. Love, with boundaries and where required, love at a distance. That's self-love 🤍.

Check out my IGTV video on the power of self-love and the role it plays to be and bring the change we need.

That's it. Let me know how you get on with the reading and what tips resonated with you the most (including what actions you will take from this blog post).

Let me know in the comments! If you're on Social Media, share your story from this post on Instagram and Twitter! We're also on Facebook , so do connect with us there too and like our page.

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Practices in this blog are suggestions only based on my experience. Please carry out your own research and seek professional advice if you need to. Remember, you've got this and you are great 🤍

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